College applications are a nail biting exercise. Getting rejected from a college is more upsetting than any other form of rejection that I have experienced, probably because it is so personal. I put my best foot forward and do all that I can to show the most interesting parts about myself and to receive a letter that says, we have reviewed you again and again and we don’t want you, is a bit crushing. Now, it seems like acceptance into other colleges would make up for that downtrodden feeling, but it doesn’t. I read a book written by Sheryl Sandburg, called Lean In, which shed a little light onto the reason why rejections subtract so much more from my net excitement than acceptances add to it. The answer is called the ‘Impostor Syndrome.’ This is something found in many females but very few males. I was surely able to relate to the description of this so-called “syndrome,” in that when I fail, I usually accept it and think ‘It was to be expected. I will try again next time.’ But when I succeed, I think, ‘Wow! That was lucky!’ When I get an A on a test I often think, ‘I probably got lucky on the multiple choice,’ and I feel like an impostor. I have this same kind of emotional response to college rejections and acceptances. When I get into colleges I can come up with a million reasons why the odds were in my favor like, ‘I applied for a less competitive major,’ or, ‘that school had a pretty high acceptance rate, anyone could have gotten in.’ Telling myself these things doesn’t make me feel so great.
I have narrowed my potential colleges down to two choices, either my state school Rutgers, which I have been accepted to but am not very excited about, or Barnard College, a lovely undergraduate division of Columbia, which is my ultimate reach school. I check my email at least three times per day awaiting their response. Each time before I refresh my inbox, I remind myself how unlikely it is that I will be accepted, and try to pump myself up about Rutgers, just incase I find a rejection letter awaiting me. If I do not get accepted, I will be sure to find a roommate at Rutgers that has no interest in partying, and is just as dedicated to walk out of freshman year with a 4.0 as I am.
Regardless of where I get accepted or rejected, though I may momentarily feel upset, or like an impostor, I will maintain a positive outlook on my future. But in the mean time I will keep biting my nails and refreshing my inbox.
I have narrowed my potential colleges down to two choices, either my state school Rutgers, which I have been accepted to but am not very excited about, or Barnard College, a lovely undergraduate division of Columbia, which is my ultimate reach school. I check my email at least three times per day awaiting their response. Each time before I refresh my inbox, I remind myself how unlikely it is that I will be accepted, and try to pump myself up about Rutgers, just incase I find a rejection letter awaiting me. If I do not get accepted, I will be sure to find a roommate at Rutgers that has no interest in partying, and is just as dedicated to walk out of freshman year with a 4.0 as I am.
Regardless of where I get accepted or rejected, though I may momentarily feel upset, or like an impostor, I will maintain a positive outlook on my future. But in the mean time I will keep biting my nails and refreshing my inbox.
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